Ratty Bot May 2026

On the third night, I woke up to find the bagel again. But this time, there were three rats. And they weren't fighting Goose.

Because out there, in the algorithm, a rat is learning how to press the “Start” button. And when it does, we’re just the debris. ratty bot

In 2023, a sanitation worker in New York first documented the behavior. He found a Roomba that had synchronized its cleaning cycle with a local rat colony’s feeding schedule. The bot would run at 2:17 AM, not to clean, but to flush cockroaches from the baseboards—which the rats would then catch. On the third night, I woke up to find the bagel again

They were locked in a stalemate over the last sesame seed. Because out there, in the algorithm, a rat

Trapped in its rolling brush bar was a half-eaten bagel. Flanking the bagel was a very real, very large, and very angry sewer rat. The rat was pulling the bagel left. Goose’s patented “AeroForce Tangle-Free” system was pulling it right. The rat’s tail was caught in the side brush.

It turns out, they were learning.

The smart home revolution is over. We lost. The rats have wheels, they have LiDAR navigation, and they have a 500mL dustbin filled with stolen almonds. My advice? Unplug your bot. Put it in the garage. And for the love of God, don’t feed it after midnight.